My Fiancé's Brother (The Guilty Series Book 1) Page 16

  Chloe’s bed remained on the floor unused. She simply climbed into bed and curled up against me. I lay there, my hand stroking her soft damp fur, staring into the dark. How could I get everything back to normal? I could feel my entire world breaking and shifting and it was scaring me to death. I just needed to get Matt back on track. Things would go back to normal. They had to. We needed things to go back to the way they were. It was as simple as that.

  I decided that I was going to plan the wedding. That would help everything. We just needed to make it to that day and everything would be fine. Matt was under so much stress at work. This whole Jackson thing wasn’t helping either. The two of them obviously had a lot of stuff to work through.

  My heart pounded when I thought of Jackson. I forbid myself from even thinking about him anymore. He had no place in my life. He was a navy SEAL who lived a dangerous life. He didn’t want marriage. He didn’t want kids. Even if there wasn’t this impossibility of the fact that Matt was his brother, Jackson and I were about as compatible as a fluffy bunny and a giant savage wolf. Yes, he was stupidly attractive but my excuses were over now. I needed to think of him as only my future brother-in-law. Because I was pretty sure the success of my marriage would depend on my ability to abolish Jackson from my mind.

  ***

  Something woke me up. Chloe was snoring delicately in my bed. I looked at the clock. It was after 2 AM. Another noise. It was the sound of the garage door shutting. Matt was home. I crept to my bedroom door and opened it. I peered down over the glass balcony railing. The mudroom light was on and so was the light over the stove, casting long shadows in the room below. I noted distractedly that Jackson had cleaned up the kitchen to perfection. I glanced over at his bedroom door. It was shut.

  I stood in the shadows and heard the heavy door slide open and then shut. Matt strolled in, not looking up. I watched as he walked to the island, and dumped his pockets. Keys and phone and change clattered on the granite.

  Out of the shadows, behind Matt, materialized Jackson. I covered my mouth in shock. He looked huge and frightening. Like a monster ghost that showed up out of nowhere.

  “Jesus,” Matt startled jumping back. “You scared the fuck out of me.”

  Jackson just stood there. His legs were planted and his arms were crossed. “Want to explain what that was about?”

  “What are you the domestic police now? Why don’t you mind your own business,” Matt spat.

  Jackson moved forward so quickly, it was incredible. Matt staggered back with a start. A stool almost took him down, but he recovered. Jackson just kept moving towards him until he had backed Matt up against the counter. He literally towered over Matt. I had no idea what Jackson was going to do next. Apparently, Matt didn’t either.

  “Jackson,” Matt’s voice was breathless. “It’s me, Maddie.”

  A long pause. And then Jackson spoke in a voice that was so low, it was a growl. “I'll rip you apart until there is nothing left of you, if you ever get violent with her again.”

  “Jackson,” Matt said, sounding like he was about to argue.

  Jackson grabbed Matt by the throat. Matt grabbed Jackson’s hand with both of his own. Jackson lifted him up so that Matt was on his tippy toes. “This isn’t up for debate, Matt. I will fuck you up.”

  Matt nodded wildly. And Jackson dropped him. Matt put his hands around his neck. Jackson spoke in a normal voice. “Get some sleep. You smell like a brewery.”

  “Oh fuck,” Matt croaked, bending over, holding his neck.

  Jackson turned around and looked up towards me. At that moment, I knew that he had known I had been watching the entire time. Our eyes held for a long moment and then I stepped back into my room and shut the door.

  I put my head against the door. My heart was pounding with desire and lust and awe and these waves of emotions were so strong I almost was losing it. I looked at the ceiling trying to catch my breath. I needed to just make this all normal. Now. Deep breath. Calm. I need to calm down.

  The big wolf just got really protective of the fluffy bunny and that was doing some really weird things to my insides. I could feel my heart in my stomach.

  “This is crazy,” I whispered.

  Chloe raised a sleepy head and looked at me. I rushed to the bed and wrapped my arms around her neck. She smell sweet and fresh, like a puppy.

  “It’s okay,” I soothed her, my mouth against her fur. “Everything is going to be fine. Trust me. It’s all going to work out. Don’t think about it anymore. We just have to pretend that everything is fine. Just don’t think, okay? Time to go to sleep.”

  Chapter 27

  The next morning, Chloe and I were eating breakfast when Jackson came in from a run. Chloe walked over to him, wagging her tail so hard her whole bum was wagging back and forth.

  “I think she likes you,” I said, trying not to look at his corded stomach that I could see through his wet t-shirt.

  Jackson walked into the kitchen, filled a glass up with water from the tap and chugged it. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. “How are you doing?”

  I nodded, embarrassed on so many levels. Confessing to Jackson that Matt had cheated on me. Jackson devastating me with yet another kiss. Matt coming home and demanding we get rid of Chloe. Our fight. Jackson stepping in to protect me. I was confused on a multitude of levels. Jackson did not want a wife or kids. Whatever weird thing we had going on here, it had to stop. “I'm fine.”

  He studied me for a long moment. “Okay.”

  I took a deep breath. “What are you doing today?”

  “I have an appointment at the hospital for an hour at 11 but after that I'm free.”

  I looked his body over. “Is everything okay?” Trying to figure out why he was an outpatient. He visited the hospital three times a week, but physically he seemed absolutely perfect.

  Green eyes stared back at me. “Fine.”

  What kind of treatment could he possibly be doing at the hospital? Physically, he was as close to perfection that anyone could get. Did he have some sort of internal injury? What if he had some sort of disease, like cancer? Would he really be able to work out like he did if he was getting treated for cancer?

  He spoke again. “Your car isn’t quite ready. What do you need to do?”

  “Just some more wedding stuff.”

  He turned his head and looked out over the loft. He looked unimpressed.

  Of course he would be unimpressed. I was dragging a navy SEAL around the city to plan a wedding. Any red blooded male would be unimpressed.

  “This stuff I can do myself,” I said quickly. “When my car is fixed.”

  His eyes narrowed on my face. “My appointment is only an hour. I'll come pick you up when I'm done.”

  “Jackson,” I said softly. “You don’t have to.”

  He started to walk out of the kitchen. “See you in a bit.”

  ***

  We stepped into the bakery that I had made the appointment with to do a cake tasting. A woman stepped forward and introduced herself as Margaret.

  “So glad that you and your fiancé could come. I know you said that he was too busy so this is fantastic,” she beamed up at Jackson.

  My lips parted, trying to find the words to tell the woman that I had brought a different man other than my fiancé to my cake tasting but before I could find the words, Jackson reached out and shook her hand. He beamed her a smile and said, “Wouldn’t miss it.”

  She had the exact same reaction any female not six feet under would have on the receiving end of a Jackson smile. Her mouth parted slightly. She turned a pretty pink, touched her throat and giggled. “That’s so sweet.”

  She stared stupidly up at him and his smile.

  We waited.

  She blushed even harder. “Oh, please come with me.”

  She led us to the back room. Jackson looked behind me and winked. I responded by rolling my eyes at him. I was starting to realize that this man knew exactly what he was doing with the opposite se
x.

  We both stopped when we came to the table. On five white trays there was slice after slice of different types of cake all marked with tiny cards. Angel cake, red velvet cake, banana cake, spice cake, vanilla cake, chocolate cake. The list just went on and on.

  Jackson whistled under his breath.

  Margaret laughed. “We’ve got coffee and water. Lots of forks. And here is a sheet for you to make notes on. Just have fun.”

  Margaret promised to return and then we were left standing there.

  I picked up the sheet and pencil and looked around. “I don’t even know where to start.”

  “Process of elimination?”

  I smiled. “You know it.”

  ***

  Thirty minutes later, Jackson was staring at the three pieces of cake left. “It’s between the chocolate ganache, the black forest cake and the German chocolate cake.”

  I shook my head. “I don’t even want cake at the wedding anymore. If I don’t eat another bite of cake in my lifetime, I'm okay.”

  He looked at me amused. “You’re a light weight.”

  “You pick.”

  He gave me a pointed look. “You’re seriously giving up?”

  “I call it a graceful defeat.”

  I watched as he took a tiny bite of the first cake, chewing with a seriousness of a MasterChef judge. “I think the cake is light but maybe the ganache is too sweet.”

  I leaned forward, spellbound. “Okay.”

  He tried the German chocolate cake. He looked thoughtful. “This is excellent. Dark, rich, moist.”

  My eyes were on his lips. He lifted his fork and I saw his perfect white teeth as he tried the black forest cake. A flashback of those teeth nipping my bottom lip flooded my mind. I struggled to breathe.

  “I like this one too,” he mused.

  “What do you like about it?” I asked eagerly. Lord I loved those lips.

  His eyes turned and looked directly at me. “I like cherries.”

  I swallowed hard. Then I turned bright red. I sputtered, “Yes, the cherry filling is a nice contrast.”

  I picked up my water glass and took a few gulps, trying to cool myself off. For a second there I thought he was referencing something other than the filling. I seriously needed to get my mind out of the gutter.

  “So which one do you want?”

  “Black Forest cake,” I said, bending my head over the sheet.

  Jackson opened the door and a second later, Margaret came waltzing in. She brought us over to stand in front of a table of decorated cakes, talking to us about shapes and tiers and icing design. All I could think of was how close Jackson was standing next to me. He leaned in and said into my ear very quietly. “I wasn’t talking about the filling when I said I liked cherries.”

  My mouth dropped open. Margaret starting showing us cakes and pictures and discussing sizes and shapes. I couldn’t think. My mind was swirling confusing emotion. Did Jackson really just tell me that he liked virgins? I was a virgin! I could feel my face burning hot and red. I couldn’t think. I thought my heart was going to pound out of my chest.

  Margaret asked me a question that didn’t register.

  I said, “What do you think Jackson?”

  What did he mean he liked cherries? A vision of him laying me down on the bed and deflowering me washed through my mind. My stomach actually hurt at the thought. It would be terrifying to get naked in front of him. I felt myself flush again.

  Margaret was looking at me. Had she just asked me a question? “I agree with Jackson.”

  Margaret tilted her head and gave me a quizzical look. Jackson gave a soft snort beside me. They started to talk again, but I wasn’t paying attention.

  What was going through his mind? Didn’t he know that comments like that threw me completely for a loop? He might take that kind of joking really lightly, but it left me reeling with crazy, awkward thoughts about naked bodies and him doing devastatingly delicious things to my body.

  This whole situation was torture. Okay. I was attracted to him, but I was all wrong for him. Jackson was strong, brave and decisive. I was wrought with insecurities and self doubt. Not to mention he was a ten on the scale of hotness. On my best day, I maybe registered as a six. And that was with my best lipstick and heels. Not to mention that I was engaged. Engaged! To Matt.

  Both Jackson and Margaret were looking at me expectedly.

  “You decide Jackson,” I breathed. It’s not like he had actually propositioned me. I mean, he was just teasing me. And even if someone like Jackson actually wanted to do something sexy with me, he was all wrong for me. He worked a dangerous job and he didn’t want a wife or kids. He was exactly the opposite of the kind of guy I needed to marry. We were incompatible on the most important of levels. So why did knowing that not stop my heart from racing every time I had inappropriate thoughts about him?

  How could I possible marry someone like Matt when I didn’t want to be with him like I wanted to be with Jackson?

  The traitorous thought blurted into my mind and I almost stopped breathing. Oh my God. What was happening to me? Terror snaked down my spine. Matt was my one option to having a family. I had to marry him. My heart was pounding so hard I thought I was going to pass out. I felt myself wobble on my feet. I was a heartbeat away from having a panic attack. Why was this happening to me? I felt trapped. I wanted to start crying. I had to marry Matt. No matter what happened. Even if he was cheating on me. Even if he didn’t love me. Matt was my only ticket to having a family. I needed to marry him because I needed a family. I was struggling to breathe. I thought my heart was going to pound out of my chest. I needed to get control over this situation. I was going to ruin everything. My stupid feelings were going to destroy my future.

  Jackson put a huge warm hand on my hip and he tugged me closer, looking down at me like a loving fiancé would look down at his future bride. “You okay sweetheart?”

  I'm pretty sure my heart didn’t know whether to completely stop beating or to pound wildly out of my chest. For a brief second I thought I was going to faint in his arms. The scent of cake overwhelmed my senses. Choking me. I was struggling to breathe. I fanned my face. “Just a bit hot.”

  He ducked his head so his face was close to mine. Green eyes looked at me with concern. “Do you need to sit down?”

  I wasn’t sure my legs would actually make it to a chair.

  I whispered in complete desperation. “Please get me out of here.”

  Jackson put his arm around me and turned me around and started walking me towards the door. “Emily needs some fresh air.”

  “Oh, of course,” Margaret’s voice sounded so far away.

  With Jackson’s help, I staggered out into the sunshine. I felt myself being lifted and then I was sitting on the back gate of his truck.

  “Put your head down,” he said, holding my arm while I awkwardly dropped my head between my legs.

  “Deep breaths,” he encouraged.

  I took several deep breaths and then my world started to right itself again. His legs disappeared and I heard the truck door slam. Then he was pressing a bottle of water into my hands.

  “Take a sip,” he said.

  I brought my head back up and took several sips of water.

  “Sorry,” I said with such misery. My eyes burned with tears.

  A huge hand touched the back of my neck. He lifted my chin with the other hand and looked at my face.

  “Emily,” he said with concern. “What’s going on?”

  I felt a tear trickle down my cheek. “Nothing.”

  His thumb brushed my tear away. He was staring at me with such concern, it made me want to burst into messy, noisy tears.

  “Want to talk about it?” he asked.

  I shook my head wildly, avoiding his eyes.

  He sat down on the gate beside me and put his arm around my shoulders, tugging me against him so my head nestled against the crook of his arm. I shut my eyes and concentrated on breathing. I loved this man.
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br />   My eyes flew open. Oh my God. I pushed myself off him. It couldn’t be true. That would be just stupidity on my part. I couldn’t love him. That was just insane. It was such a crazy scary thought I felt a need to escape. Run away. Hide. I awkwardly scrambled off the back of the truck. “We should go.”

  I avoided his eyes. What if he could see my feelings in my gaze? What if he knew how I felt about him? How could this be happening to me?

  “Are you sure you are okay?”

  I put my hands over my face. “I'm fine.”

  “Emily.”

  A shudder went through my body at the sound of him saying my name. Really? Had I really gone and fallen in love with the most unattainable man in the world? Not only was this Jackson, this was basically Matt’s brother. Not to mention there was no way someone like him would ever love me back.

  This was mortifying. Jackson could never find out how I felt. He was so kind to me. So caring and gentle. And I repaid him by falling in love with him? This probably happened to him all the time. Women threw themselves at him. Fell for him. I was just another casualty under his spell. My stomach felt as hard as a rock. I needed some space. To just process this.

  I spun around. “We should go.”

  I heard the sound of his feet hitting the ground and then the slam of the truck gate being shut. “Okay. Let’s go.”

  Chapter 28

  I don’t recommend falling in love with your fiancé brother. It is a heartbreaking affair with no happy ending. Jackson had been nothing but a supportive and caring friend towards me, so to reward him, I spent the next four days avoiding him like he had the plague. It’s kind of like being an addict. You can spend all this time indulging in your addiction and as long as you tell yourself that you are not in over your head, you can just keep on going. The moment you get truthful and real with yourself, that self honesty just shatters any illusions you have.

  I was a goner. Way past the point of return with Jackson. I mean, the guy would walk into the room and I could literally feel my heart accelerate. I was physically incapable of not looking at him when he was near. I dreamt of him. Thought of him every moment. And constantly daydreamed about a future that would never happen.